Why I'm just as stupid as IJL: Part One

I've been knocking IJL for their inability to choose anyone even remotely compatible with me (n=2...a bit harsh, perhaps). However, recently I was reminded that I have not exactly made stellar selections when left to my own devices, and the consequences of those personal errors in judgment are greater. With IJL, the advantage is that I'm only committed to one date, and I don't have any preconceptions about the person I'm meeting. We have little information about each other, so all decisions going forward are based on that one date. Little time has been lost, so there's no compulsion to give it a second chance if it didn't go that well.

But online dating is more of a time waster. As those of you who have attempted it know, getting to that first date can take a lot of work. First, you wink at each other -- I assume this is so that you don't waste time composing a brilliant and witty letter, only to be summarily rejected because your target identified something objectionable in your photo. As an aside -- when I made such rejections, that "something objectionable" consisted of (these are only two examples -- there are many more): (a) photo taken sans shirt, while shiny and flexing, and (b) photo taken in bed, nude, with the sheet artfully arranged as low as possible on the hips (and yes, this last was a man...I mean, wtf?). Admittedly, I have also hesitated at photos that include children, as 2 of the 3 options regarding the origin of those children are deal breakers (he has children, or he molests them).

Then you progress past the winks, and one of you breaks the ice with the first email. You send artfully crafted missives for awhile, designed to paint yourself as a witty, brilliant, wealthy entrepreneur (or, you know, whatever). At some point, the guy suggests talking on the phone; the next logical infinitesimal step in online dating. I guess that a man doesn't want to appear too overeager to set up a date he met online, because the potential date might think he is an (anxious) serial killer. But let's be honest -- after you've gotten to a point where you've bothered to send a couple of emails, the phone is a stupid, irrelevant stepping stone. If he's held back his homicidal predilections on email, he can probably manage on the phone, too.

So instead, I generally suggest a date, and I pick a public, safe, convenient place to meet. I inform a few friends of my plans (in case one dies in a fiery car crash the same night that I am kidnapped by said date), and we see what happens. But think about it -- by the end of this match.com first date, I've invested a lot of time. All that winking and careful emailing on top of the date really takes a lot out of you; and don't forget all the time spent on potential dates that didn't make it this far. It's sort of like drug development -- it doesn't cost $1B to develop a single drug, but the true cost of taking a drug to market has to factor in the cost of all the drugs that made the heads of the healthy subjects swell to three times their normal size in Phase I safety trials. Further, if we've bothered to set up a date, there was something (contrived or not) that we liked about each other. So generally, I agree to a second date, even if the first didn't go that well. Just in case that witty, brilliant entrepreneur needs some time to come out of his shell.

Anyway, like I said, left to my own devices on an online dating site, I can waste a lot more time. I've rambled enough, so I'll wait until my next post to give an excellent example of this...