In the planning stages: Date #3

Earlier this week, I got another call from K at IJL to arrange my next date. It's been a few weeks since I've had any contact with them, so I was starting to worry that I'd pissed them off with my rejections of their first two matches; given how quickly they work (imagine my voice dripping with sarcasm), my refusal to go out on a second date must be having a serious impact on their success rate. At the initial interview, I was told that 80-90% of their matches went out on second dates. I'm at 0%, so they really need to set me up with a few men that are neither too awful nor too fantastic in order to raise their batting average. If the guy is awful, there obviously won't be a second date, and if he is the cat's pajamas (sorry, I tossed that in because ... well, I love both my cat and my pajamas), then I won't go on any new dates, abandoning IJL and freezing them at a success rate of only 33%.

The new date, R, is a blue-eyed blond Texan (cheers from my SEC audience). R is 36, and K said that "it looks like he has several degrees." Join me in a sidebar: this deserves a brief discussion. Her phrasing suggests that she doesn't recognize the type of degree from the initials, which could indicate one of two things. First, it's possible that he listed out a bunch of boring certifications to try to boost his credentials (falsely believing that his potential dates have any control over their choices). The other option is that K might not recognize his perfectly normal degrees, which is the most likely possibility, given my general impression of her intelligence thus far.

Here's my favorite appellation used to characterize him, and one that I'm fairly sure I'm to blame for, given my previous feedback: he was described as "All-American." The American Heritage dictionary defines this phrase as meaning "representative of the people of the United States or their ideals." At first pass, quite a pleasing definition! Who doesn't like the people of the United States?

But then, who might K be motivated to describe with this phrase? Envision, if you will, a blond, blue-eyed Adonis who was captain of his high school football team, dated the head cheerleader, and was crowned homecoming king. Of course, after such an auspicious beginning, his life inevitably slid downhill. At 18, he married his knocked-up girlfriend, forgoing college to support his unwanted family. His charisma landed him a job as a salesman at the local car dealership, but the pressures of life led to the breakup of his marriage and a Willy Lomanesque aspect; a man lost amidst false hopes of improving his lot in life (IJL) and a steadily intensifying sense of despair. Most of his ever-diminishing salary (his charisma has waned over the years, as age and shattered dreams begin to encroach upon his once-handsome countenance) goes to alimony and child support. His disappointing offspring, now 18, is a high school dropout who tumbles in and out of trouble with the law.

Hmm. Actually, this guy might evolve into a fantastic blog entry ... the shattered American dream is so heart-wrenching. Do you suppose that blogs can win a Pulitzer?