Date 2: Oh My Gawd

I showed up at the Daily Grill to meet C, date 2. I drove, and because of an obsession with being prompt, I arrived about 20 minutes early. So I sat down at the bar and ordered a cosmo. After doing this, I wondered if there was any etiquette I should be considering. Is it rude to start a drink if you arrive early for your date? Obviously I have to wait, and if I wanted to sit at the bar, I really had to order something. So let's assume that it's ok for me to have done this. The next question is, how MUCH of my martini is it appropriate to consume before my date arrives? This is less a matter of etiquette and more a matter of appearance. I think I have two options here: (1) completely down the martini well before the start time of the date, or (2) sip it slowly and be certain to leave at least half of it in the glass so as not to appear to be a barfly. Though my preference is (1), my concern is if he arrives earlier and notices me. I won't know it's him. Slamming back the liquor won't necessarily create a great first impression -- this ability is something to be revealed later in a relationship. So I settled on (2), which is tough for me, but I bravely took very small, well-spaced sips while I waited.

Close to 7:00, I went to the host and asked if he had a reservation under my name. Nope. How about under C's name? Nope. Once again, K at IJL proves her worth, or rather, her lack thereof. The host suggested that I call my date, but I explained that not only did I not know what my date looked like, but I also didn't have his phone number. As I look back on this, I wonder if the host considered the possibility that I was a prostitute; after all, I was wearing my tall black sexy girl boots. Anyway, it's really a good thing I'm not terribly shy. After giving up on the now-suspicious host, I looked around the bar, and spotted a man in a cute little sweater vest with a cute little bowtie sitting alone at one of the bar tables. I walked up to him and asked him if, by any chance, he was C? He was not, and apologized for not being C. I also lament this.

I went back to the bar and sat back down. A man came in, and asked the host a question, and then appeared to be in deep conversation with him for awhile. The host pointed at me, and the man came over and introduced himself as C. I started from the bottom up, and saw marked clothes improvement over the date 1: khakis, blue button down shirt. Standard, acceptable uniform. Kind of dorky, overall -- some weirdly formed 80s hair going on. Then...the lazy eye.

Actually, after doing more research today, I realize that it probably was not a lazy eye, but rather a condition called strabismus (crossed eye(s)). So this morning I was briefly fascinated with the topic, and read "The evolution of two-eyed vision," which describes the advantages of having two eyes. Not really the evolution, sadly -- I've been unable to find any evidence that one-eyed creatures exist outside of cyclopian mythology, with the exception of this poor one-eyed kitty that was born at the end of last year (do NOT follow this link if you are easily disturbed).

OK, so the crossed eyes are certainly not an insurmountable issue, but they are pretty distracting at first. As with anything out of the ordinary, you have to focus on not staring. As the date wore on I started to acclimate, and was able to better pay attention to the conversation. I'll start out by saying he was very nice, for the most part. One weird thing -- he mentioned that his hometown in Florida is pretty blue collar, so it was hard to meet people unless you wanted to date someone who wo.... he trailed off here, as if he realized that whatever he was saying was inappropriate. I've tried to fill it in: was he trying to say that he didn't want to date someone who works? If that's it, I have to say that I consider that to be firmly on the "pros" half of my chart.

C said that he enjoys traveling -- a common interest! I mentally chalk a point up to IJL. He hasn't really traveled much to date, but he did seem genuinely interested in it. This is in sharp contrast to date #1, who had an excess of time to travel but didn't bother to take advantage of it. C told me that he was going by himself to the Ukraine in April (props for guts -- deciding to take a big trip by yourself is a big step, and choosing the Ukraine as your first target, rather than somewhere easy like the UK, is even spunkier). Oddl, he is staying in a single city in the Ukraine rather than traveling around -- seems a long way to go for one city. But he expressed a serious enough fascination with a particular type of Ukrainian architecture (which apparently there is oodles of in Odessa) that I suspect he won't have any trouble filling his nine day trip.

I brought up Vegas, to gauge if this relationship had even the remotest possibility of moving forward. He had been there, but said that he "didn't really gamble much anymore." To this point I'd found him pretty boring, so this statement peaked my interest -- an addiction? Did he gamble away his house, family and friends? But it's really not appropriate to ask about GA on a first date. Anyway my interest quickly dropped again when he revealed that, in his gambling days, he liked to play the slots. Blech -- so ok, poker and slots may not seem so different to my non-poker playing readers. However, in fact these two pasttimes are not even remotely similar, and reflect serious differences in one's world view. You'll just have to trust me on that.

Looking back, I can't really figure out what I didn't particularly like about him -- he was perfectly nice (did I say that already? That adjective might be working its way towards "boring"). He had a tendency to say "Oh my gawd, yeah" in response to the majority of my statements (am I really that awe-inducing?), and while irritating, that couldn't have been the only problem. I guess that my standard response to his request for a second date -- "It was nice to meet you, but I don't think there's any chemistry," was accurate. Unlike date #1, where I could have gone into SO much more depth...

IJL compatibility rating: 1.5/5






IJL service rating: 0/0 (no improvement from last time)

For those of you who cross-reference with Alcohawk, 2 martinis/1.5 hours brought me to 0.053.

More Disorganized Than Me?

So, IJL is rapidly losing points. On my first date, they messed up the name of the restaurant. Not the end of the world, because at least the address was correct. Then there wasn't a reservation under either my name or my date's; luckily they found us a table, but then we were told that the dining room was for eating, so we had to order something. Since IJL is specifically for drinks, if we'd had a reservation that shouldn't have happened (and my date wouldn't have had to be so goddamn long). Then, they never called me to walk me through my first "feedback" on that date, or even bother to tell me WHO at IJL I was supposed to debrief with (though granted, they probably knew how that date was going to go before we even met).

Now, I have a second date. At least, I'm guessing I do, since I got a confirmation on my office voice mail last night that I'm meeting C tonight at 7 pm. Unfortunately that was the first I'd heard of it. When I called to ask for details (for example, WHERE am I going), K was a bit rude (and accused me in a screechy sing-song voice of simply forgetting that I'd agreed to the time and place). She first pretended she had talked to me, then that she'd at least left a message. But since I am obsessive to the point of insanity about calendarizing appointments, I have no doubt that she never did either of those things.

One of the main reasons I joined IJL was because it is a lot of work to do this through online dating services -- you have to go through profiles online, chat for awhile, set up a meeting, etc. And my personal filtering system hasn't really been working well for me anyway. So basically I'm just paying someone to organize for me, and guess who I might like. Unfortunately, IJL is not exactly inspiring with organizational skills, and at n=1, their matchmaking skills bite.

I'm considering complaining to one of the managers (maybe that will net me a few free dates), but I have to balance that desire with a fear of what they will do to me if they decide that I'm a difficult bitch. They could hit me with the restaurant equivalent of urinating in my coffee. Is it possible that someone lurks at IJL that is a worse match for me than date #1? I don't really want to find out.

Date 1: Dumas and Diarrhea

K from IJL called to tell me about the first match they had selected for me: "His name is H, he's a 7th grade teacher, he's 5'10", 38, he likes to golf, he would like to travel..." She droned on for awhile, tearing through a laundry list of his attributes and interests, but I eventually tuned out because she was talking so fast. It's not clear to me that I have the right to turn any of their selections down, anyway, so unless I hear "and he likes to slice women into little bits and bury them in the forest," I don't plan to object.

A few minutes before the allotted meeting time, I went into the bar and gave the hostess my name. All IJL reservations are supposed to be under only the first names of both of the matches, to maintain anonymity. "Hmm...no, I don't have that here. Could it be under another name?" I gave H's name, but still no luck. She ignored the fact that they didn't have my reservation, and told me they were behind and it would be a few minutes before they could seat me. She doesn't seem to understand that I don't KNOW who my date is, and so if she seats me, I'm just going to sit there by myself for an hour. Do I really have to tell her that I'm on an IJL blind date, and that I haven't a clue what he looks like?

When we get back to the front, there's a guy standing there who mutters something to the hostess, and she also can't find his name. He's nerdy-looking, wearing a shlumpy off-white sweater, ill-fitting khakis, and some sort of weird dark blue nylon windbreaker that says "I graduated from American University!" And I know. This is what I get for putting "intelligent" on the top of my list of desired attributes in a mate. I sighed and walked over to him. "Are you H, by any chance?" "Why yes, I am," he answered, looking me over with a big smile. Great.

We sat down, and a waiter brought us a drink menu. I peered with interest at the menu of fancy martinis that was hung over the bar. H said something which I didn't hear, but ended in "but I always just tell them, it's a school night! And every day is a school night for me!" I was still trying to pick a drink so I just nodded and smiled absently, since judging by his demeanor it was apparently some sort of joke. I decided on my drink, and then offered him the drink menu. He declined it, and then proceeded to repeat what I assume was the same joke as before. "No no, I don't drink during the week. My friends always want me to go out for drinks during the week, but I always just tell them, it's a school night. And every day is a school night for me, because I'm a teacher, you know! It's really about discipline. I like to keep myself disciplined, because otherwise I'd just be drunk every night. I remember this one time that a teacher showed up at school and he just looked awful, like he'd been out the night before, and the kids all talked about how awful he looked, and you KNOW if the kids are talking about it it's pretty bad...I work with this woman who LOVES to go out to the clubs and I just don't know how she does it! She's out every night with her boyfriend at the clubs, and then comes into work the next day! I just can't stay up that late...oh, so, I'm going to order a salad, because I don't really recognize anything on the menu, I mean I know WHAT foie gras is, but I'm sure I don't want to eat it, and I'm certainly not ordering this "red wine braised rabbit," I mean come on, who eats that?"

I'd like to point out here that anytime I include a "..." it's not because he trailed off the sentence, but because he kept talking and I either (a) don't remember what else he said or (b) it was even more boring that what I've included here, and I didn't have the heart to put you through it.

He rambled on about a group of four friends that he golfs with, and how they want to kick one of the foursome out because he is annoying. I wonder idly if I might like to date this friend, since I suspect that if I was forced to spend time with H, I might be as irritating as possible in the hope of escaping with my sanity. From this friend, he went to another friend that he liked to call "D-U-M-A-S" (he spelled it out), and then he waited, giving me no details, like I was supposed to get it. "Are you guys the three musketeers, or something," I asked with bewilderment. He looked at me blankly. "You know, Alexandre Dumas?" He shook his head. "No, no, just add a B between the M and the A, and an extra S!" he responded, laughing at the joke. Oh my god.

My cheese plate and a desperately needed (second) glass of wine arrived. "So do you like to go to new restaurants?" He launched into a story about the Cheesecake Factory (new restaurants?), and how this one time he and his brother went there, and he must have eaten something that disagreed with him, because he had to go to the bathroom EVERY HOUR for HOURS after that. Thanks, diarrhea goes well with my cheese plate. And is the implication of this story that he doesn't like to go to risky restaurants with fancy food like the Cheesecake Factory anymore?

After I finished my wine I frantically signalled the waiter for the check (it had been about an hour and a half at this point). I threw $40 at the check (IJL specifically states that you go dutch). I probably only owed $30 or so, but I refused to take any change since that would have delayed our departure. H pocketed the change rather than just leaving extra tip for the waiter as I'd intended -- paying a total of $8 himself, though he had a $10 salad and a couple of gingerales. I wouldn't consider this a huge deal, although it's clear he's one of those people who, when calculating the bill in a group, completely ignores the fact that adding up your individual items doesn't include tax and tip.

I gratefully got up, then realized that he planned to metro one stop from Gallery Place to Metro Center (the same train I was taking); I tentatively suggested that we could walk a few blocks to Metro Center (so that the inevitable train wait would be at different tracks). But he declared that to be a few blocks too far. So we walked together to the metro, and then waited an interminable 12 minutes for the train (I knew that I wouldn't get lucky on that timing). Finally we got on the train, and I considered with great hope the possibility that maybe he didn't like me, or maybe if I just keep talking there won't be time..."

"So, I'm only riding for one metro stop..." Shit. "It was great to meet you, I would love to do this again sometime!"

I smiled and said it was really great to meet him, but I just didn't think there was any chemistry. I wished him luck at IJL. Thankfully Metro Center is only a minute from Gallery Place, so the ensuing awkward silence was short. One down, 13 to go.

IJL compatibility rating: 0. Nowhere to go but up!

The Premise

So, I am slowly realizing that I'm really lazy. First I decided that since I hadn't cleaned my house in three years, I should just give in and get cleaners. Then I decided that since I had no pictures hanging on the walls or any knick-knacks around my apartment, I should get a decorator (ok, that was just my very talented sister, but still). More recently, I realized that I can't keep up with the work that goes into screening and identifying dates. So I joined It's Just Lunch, a matchmaking service that does all the work for you. Basically, you pay them for the year and they promise you at least 14 first dates. The idea is that you are "just" having lunch, so there isn't a lot of pressure, and the date is limited in duration.

The first thing you do is to go meet your matchmaker. You fill out a questionnaire which is not particularly detailed -- just basic information. Another page has a laundry list of activities, and you circle activities you do, and check activities you are interested in. They were categorized, and my OCD required that I circle or check at least one activity in each category. I ran into a problem in the sports category, so I think I circled golf. I did take lessons once, and I always liked the idea of such a social sport that could potentially involve beer.

Then I had a discussion with my matchmaker where she asked me a lot of open-ended questions like "how would your friends describe you?" I hate that question, and I'm just not that good at talking about myself in terms of characteristics. Give me a piece of paper and a couple of hours and I can come up with a reasonable description of myself, but I guess it's just uncomfortable in person. She also asked me what I required in a date, if I would date somewhere who was divorced/had kids/smoked, etc.

That was it for the meeting. Then they kicked me out and now I never see them again. Someone (not even the matchmaker) will call me when they have a date for me, and tell me about him and where and when to meet him. After each date I'm supposed to call and give them feedback so that they can "refine" the matchmaking process. I'm skeptical, but we'll see how it goes!